If being needed once meant staying connected, your nervous system may still associate usefulness with safety. That pattern isn’t a flaw, it’s an adaptation. Learning to stay present without a role is part of trauma healing and it starts with stabilisation and grounding, not insight alone. If you want practical steps to begin that work, my grounding and stabilisation pack is available to download via the link in my bio. Take what’s useful. Leave the rest. #complextrauma #relationaltrauma #nervoussystem #attachmentandtrauma #traumarecovery
It’s New Year’s Day, and timelines are full of intentions, challenges, and “this is my year” energy. For many trauma survivors, that language can feel alien or even shaming. When your nervous system is organised around safet
It’s New Year’s Day, and timelines are full of intentions, challenges, and “this is my year” energy. For many trauma survivors, that language can feel alien or even shaming. When your nervous system is organised around safety, the goal isn’t optimisation or transformation. It’s regulation. It’s getting through the day without being flooded. It’s keeping your world manageable. This is why trauma work doesn’t start with reliving or reframing. It starts with stabilisation - learning how to ground, orient, soothe, and create enough internal safety to function. Therapy isn’t for everyone. And meaningful stabilisation can be done outside of the therapy room, with the right psychoeducation and tools. So if this year isn’t about resolutions for you that doesn’t mean nothing is happening. Survival is not stagnation. It’s preparation. ⭐️ If you’d like support with grounding and stabilisation, I’ve created a free psychoeducational guide you can work through at your own pace. Link in bio. No pressure. No fixing. Just steady, nervous-system-informed support. #newyear #newyearsresolutions #trauma #complextrauma #grounding
If love had to be earned growing up, your nervous system learned something very specific: connection is conditional. Affection may have followed achievement, compliance, emotional caretaking, or being “easy” rather than simply being you.
If love had to be earned growing up, your nervous system learned something very specific: connection is conditional. Affection may have followed achievement, compliance, emotional caretaking, or being “easy” rather than simply being you. Over time, this wires the body to associate closeness with effort, vigilance, or self-abandonment. So when love is offered freely later in life, without demands, without hoops; it can feel disorientating rather than soothing. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your system is scanning unfamiliar territory. This is why many trauma survivors: • feel uncomfortable receiving care • minimise their needs • feel safer giving than receiving • doubt love that isn’t earned through effort or sacrifice Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to “accept love better”. It’s about slowly teaching the nervous system that safety and connection don’t have to be negotiated. That learning happens relationally, gently, and over time. If this resonates, you’re not broken - you’re responding exactly as you were taught to survive. And if you’re curious about what it looks like to work with this at a nervous-system level, you can explore more of my trauma-informed work here or save this for later ❤️ #trauma #complextrauma #nervoussystemregulation #nervoussystemhealing #emdr
If being needed once meant staying connected, your nervous system may still associate usefulness with safety. That pattern isn’t a flaw, it’s an adaptation. Learning to stay present without a role is part of trauma healing and it starts
It’s New Year’s Day, and timelines are full of intentions, challenges, and “this is my year” energy. For many trauma survivors, that language can feel alien or even shaming. When your nervous system is organised around safet If love had to be earned growing up, your nervous system learned something very specific: connection is conditional. Affection may have followed achievement, compliance, emotional caretaking, or being “easy” rather than simply being you.